One of the biggest downsides to marrying the first guy you loved is that it is probably the only guy you will ever have sleep with. When it comes to relationships, there is really no way of knowing whether or not the first person you fell in love with is going to be the person you end up marrying. If, for whatever reason, you are interested in seeing what else is out there for you, then it is unlikely that you would have married your first lover. The reason this may not work is because we do not always learn about healthy relationships by watching our parents, and if you are married to your first love, this may very well be the primary place where you are getting your information about relationships, and modeling them.
When you know someone long enough that they are your first love, you get to know them so well, inside and out, that this takes a lot of guesswork out of relationships. When you are getting ready to get down on that altar and get married to your real, first love, you know it is the one person on this planet you showed your vulnerability to, and it is an amazing feeling. If that is not the case, at least the feeling of being taken by surprise and being so utterly in love you have to marry your first love can be incredibly euphoric. With that can come those extreme feelings of love, especially knowing all of your loves this life were saved for your first partner.
Because you are married to your lover, you will not need to worry that one or the other is thinking of someone else or wishes. So, you are giving your former love a chance to decide whether or not he or she wants to come back into your life. If you know that you still feel romantic feelings toward your first love, but are currently involved in another committed relationship, think hard about whether this is the best move. It is best to dive deep and ask yourself whether the urge to reconnect with your first love is really about them and the authentic feelings you still hold for them, or whether you are looking for something, and trying to re-attach these emotions to an ex.
Psychologists say if you had at least one positive loving experience in your life, even if you are married, have kids, and tried dating as a single parent, you can remember it, recalling all of the great things that happened. The results of a YouGov poll show that feelings within couples who are married for the first time, who have never had a serious relationship before, are stronger than feelings within people who are used to loving.
It turns out couples marrying their first loves are having stronger, more romantic relationships than couples made up of partners who are experienced. That is the conclusion from YouGovs Love & Relationships Study, which found people who married their first love were more likely to be still in love, to never consider calling it quits, and to feel convinced that they will stay together forever. People who married their first love were also more likely (97%) to believe they will be with their partner to the day of their death than those who did not (88%).
Another study, conducted by the company Illicit Encounters, found a quarter of us are still in love with our first love, and 41% enjoy the best sex of their lives with their first lover. Despite this heartening news about the marriage of the first love, another Illicit Encounters poll found that most men and women agreed that sleeping with up to 12 partners is an indication of a person being sexually adventurous, freewheeling, and transient. A YouGov study reported that 64% of those who had married first loves said that they were definitely in love, compared to 57% in the married population; just 19% of first-timer couples had considered leaving their partners; compared with a third of married people (34%) who had loved someone previously.
In some cases, people are likely to regret marrying their first love, but in others, they are not. It is a subject not studied or reported much, but one source indicates that about 25% of women marry their first love, which is their high school sweetheart, in some cases. Of course, part of that is a generational difference: older individuals are more likely to have married younger (and thus, had a first love), and part of the effects that we are seeing might just come from generational differences in how we think about marriage.
This is particularly the case if we think of how many individuals developed their first love quite young, and married this partner, which is mostly the kind of love being talked about. Some people who married their high school sweethearts felt they missed discovering who they were and what they liked about relationships, something that we learned through our own turbulent relationships throughout our twenties. Kids are going to know they do not need to have a breakup in order to eventually find someone, and there is a good chance that their first crush ends up being the life-long one.
You likely also have plenty of history together, so you will know what your crush is going to do or say before it happens. You know how high-stakes love can be, and you know the gut-wrenching acts when the love does not turn out how you wanted. Because you are so comfortable, you begin to fear the other type of love, when really, love is always changing. You are out of touch with the way others experience love because you just hear signs of someone falling in love with you from a single person.
