The recent epidemic of reports about sexual violence in the news may have reminded many people of the negative experiences they had with consent and sexuality. Many survivors of sexual violence are left feeling hurt and disappointed when sexuality becomes traumatizing to them – and some also feel uncomfortable around consenting sexuality. Many survivors of sexual violence experience changes to their sexual lives, or difficulties engaging in sexual activities, following the trauma. In fact, the majority of survivors of sexual violence will experience the desire to reestablish intimate relationships, developing a sexual life that works for the survivors.
Sexual assault certainly changes how someone experiences sex; their desires, sexual desires, preferences, and comfort levels may all be altered to an immense degree, but regaining physical intimacy is not only possible, it is encouraged, and it is easier than one would imagine. The impact an assault has on your ability to enjoy sex and intimate relationships can be healed and minimized.
While sex touch in the aftermath of an assault may certainly trigger for some survivors, intimate relationships can also be acts of recovery for sexual autonomy. However, although it might seem obvious that a sexual assault is not necessarily the end of someones romantic life, intimate relationships with partners after experiencing sexual violence can also be instrumental to healing.
Experiencing sexual intimacy after abuse may take time, and the healing process comes with many bumps along the way. It can take time to get used to having sex with a trusted partner after a sexual assault, so do not feel pressured to rush into something that is uncomfortable. These include taking time to get comfortable with the idea of having sex, being cautious in high-risk situations, talking with your partner, and starting off with nonsexual touch.
It is also crucial that survivors establish a definition of consent and think through their boundaries when it comes to different and/or new sexual activities. Understanding consent is critical in helping survivors of sexual violence view their past experiences with clarity.
When you realize that the abusive relationship and sexuality are not one in the same, you can begin to examine your vulnerability and your experiences with feeling sexually safe. For some survivors, taking away expectations of how sex should look or end with an orgasm may be helpful; doing this allows survivors to redefine what being sexual means in ways that feel safe and nurturing. For many survivors, enjoying sex again may be one of the most essential parts of the recovery process, particularly since it may feel as though part of life that you once enjoyed has been taken away.
For example, it is very common for depressed individuals to feel like their sexual desire or desire has decreased. These can include decreased frequency of sexual contact, avoiding sexual activity, an inability to get aroused, and decreased feelings of pleasure and pleasure. Specific problems can include failure to arouse, disinterest in sex, failure to feel pleasure, or sexual experiences with heightened risks.
Survivors of sexual trauma are at increased risk for several psychological conditions, such as depression, anxiety, and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). In addition, survivors of sexual violence are at an increased risk for developing symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Sexual violence can cause survivors of the trauma to experience intense negative emotions related to sexual desires or behaviors. Loss of interest in sexuality after a battering, it is not uncommon for a victim to feel significant loss of interest in sexual relationships.
Already taboo subject matter in many communities, sexuality may be difficult to discuss in the healthiest situations; for survivors of an assault, this stigma may seem to increase. The near-daily news coverage can force people – be they survivors, partners of survivors, or even those who have no trauma background, but are justifiably wary – to think fresh about the potential dangers that could erode the sense of trust that should underpin any sexual exchange. Every survivors story and experience is different, but all too often, there is an assumption that if you were raped, you are broken sexually and permanently beyond repair. Past sexual trauma no doubt impacts how one views sexuality going forward – even if she is having sex now, in a healthy, safe relationship.
