While sadness is different for each person, when someone you loved died, it is often difficult to avoid feeling like part of yourself has died. When someone you loved died, you may find yourself dealing with the sadness of losing them again and again – sometimes even years afterward.
While grieving your loved ones loss, you might also be struggling to come to terms with the nature of his or her death, as well as with the stigma suicide may still carry. You may also have trouble accepting your loved one is truly gone, or you struggle to see how you will ever be able to heal and move forward from the loss. When we embrace the fact that we can have a fluid, changing, long-term relationship with someone who has passed away, we open ourselves to new ways to understand grief.
While we cannot change the fact that our person has died, we can choose to move on, creating new goals and meaning, while allowing ourselves to grieve. We can find purpose in the wake of a loved ones death by allowing ourselves to process and make sense of what happened.
This means grief are focused on more than just your feelings, they are focused on you coming to terms with the fact your loved one has died, and ultimately making sense of this reality. Over time, acknowledge the subordinate losses that came to you in response to the death of your loved one, so you can grieve those-they are a part of your grieving. Over time, work on making necessary adjustments to your relationships with your loved one, yourself, and how you are seen in the outside world, so you can integrate your loss into your life.
You will never be able to take it away, you are changed by who you lost in life and death, and you have to accept this. It may help to speak out openly with people who are having a hard time, explaining it does not mean that you do not love the deceased but you honor them by moving forward in your life and seeking happiness once more. Allow the people you care about – and even encourage them to – talk about their feelings of loss, and share memories of their loved one.
Everything that you were, felt, and shared with the person you loved was gone at this point, and you are wondering how you can move on from this. When you read books on grieving surviving spouses, oftentimes, they will talk about falling back in love. Whether you are grieving a partners death, or losing your loved one to divorce or separation, there are a lot of questions and challenges that may come up as you meet someone new and fall in love.
Whether the person you love is a close friend, spouse, partner, parent, child, or another relative, losing someone close to you can be incredibly difficult. Dying well is knowing that a relationship will be changed by death, but that a love bond extends beyond death. What is left behind when the person is gone is the significance of the relationship, and those survivors who are left behind carry on the love of that person.
Just as my love for my daughter Dodie was not diminished with my sons birth, the love that widows may feel toward a new person does not diminish the love of the lost. Even when you are disappointed in someone, know that there is going to be great love coming your way – and keep a positive outlook (or psychotically optimistic) on this prospect. No one who loves you will ever want you to live an unhappy semi-existence, forever longing for something that is not there. When a person dying, and his loved ones, are allowed to openly confront death, accepting it as a natural process, they are opened up to comfort and acceptance, leading to greater peace during the dying process, and fewer fears.
