Discovering your partner is a narcissist may feel like a knife through the heart, but that does not necessarily mean that the relationship is over. There are plenty of relationships in which one or both partners exhibit signs of narcissism, but showing some signs once in a while does not indicate that either you or your partner may be a narcissist. If your partner is all about himself, constantly seeking attention and validation, then he or she might be a narcissist.
Narcissists expect much from relationships, and it is common for a partner to feel like he or she is falling short of narcissist standards. Many spousal partners have said that narcissists do not empathize with them or take their needs into account, and therefore that a relationship is not possible with an Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) individual. This makes forming a close relationship with a narcissist extremely difficult, as they experience shame when feeling vulnerable or hurt, which causes them to seem aloof or distant.
This is true of all relationships, but it is particularly so when dealing with a narcissist, as he/she usually abhors being controlled. Sometimes, there may be a very thin line between making your relationship work with a narcissist and damaging yourself. If your partner is an out-and-out narcissist who is unwilling to seek help or work on the problem, that should be a deal-breaker.
If you believe that your spouse is a narcissist, seeking out therapy or outside support can help. In addition to helping you to understand and comprehend your partners narcissistic personality, a therapist may provide guidance and support. A mental health professional can also help you identify when your partner is using manipulative tactics or other narcissistic tactics, and when that behavior crosses over into abuse. Acknowledging it is not you, but their own mental health conditions, is a powerful tool for managing your relationship with someone with a narcissistic personality.
Your narcissistic partner might suggest you are there for them at all times, making them feel valued, but ultimately, your psychological well-being should take priority. Your narcissistic partner might tell you are acting selfishly in attending to their needs; yet, this is vital in maintaining the relationship.
A narcissistic partner can sometimes lead you astray, because they are caught up in their personal fantasies or intense need to please. Studies have shown that, in a narcissistic relationship, your partner is likely to engage in manipulative or gaming behaviors, and is unlikely to commit in the long run. Some relationships with narcissists are incredibly destructive to the partners life; others are more subtle, affecting the partner only slightly over time.
If a narcissist feels exposed when their partner finds out that they had an affair, they will blame it on his or her relationships to make them feel awful, instead of taking responsibility. A narcissist would never feel compassion towards others, regardless of how violent they might be-there would be no blame, while an selfish spouse might feel blame and compassion nonetheless. A narcissist feels entitled and superior, nothing more, and he will be very clear he is not going to and never will be dealing with those who he perceives as inferior to him. A narcissist wants to feel superior, but feeds off the constant praise, while the self-centered husband is thinking about what he can do for himself, and he is not going to feed off the constant praise.
A narcissist may make you feel things are personal, and they can often make you feel emotionally attacked. Relationships that are going to be successful will depend on a partner who has a healthy sense of self, solid boundaries, resources the narcissist values, patience, a level-headed personality, and reasons for staying.
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