A long-distance relationship (or LDR, for short) is considered to be a long-distance relationship when the opportunities for contact are limited due to geographical distance, and one of the partners in a relationship desires continued, intimate contact. LDRs differ in quality from geographically closer relationships; i.e., relationships where partners are able to see each other, face-to-face, on a majority of days.
One important way in which LDRs seem markedly different than geographically close relationships is that, when you are really together in person, there is often no time to waste. Being in a long-distance relationship takes work, and you need to take steps to ensure both you and your partner continue to feel connected to each other even though you are not physically together. You can still have a healthy, satisfying relationship with someone, even if you see each other just a few times per month (or even once a year).
While you might still love one another, you may find your relationship is not working for your needs and your lifestyle anymore. There is also a risk of your partner developing a close relationship, or falling in love with someone else, when you are gone. Feeling disconnected from one another Living physically apart from you and your partner may feel like you are living totally separate lives, even though both of you feel strongly committed.
People in long-distance relationships may experience jealousy toward their partners local friends, frequently complaining that their partner is spending too much time with them. I have worked with a number of people who are in long-distance relationships, and they have reported feeling pretty stressed about making each face-to-face moment count; if, say, they see their partner just once every couple months, they understandably want to make each one a special holiday. If busy or divergent schedules begin to get in the way of when, how, and often you are communicating with your partner, this can strain a relationship.
You do not need to give up a sense of independence, and if you truly want long-term permanence in a long-distance relationship, you need to be working towards long-term goals with your partner (beyond simply deciding you would like to live close to one another in the future). In the long-term, you will probably come out with a much more concrete vision of your relationship than couples who live in the same place and can just take the intimacy for granted.
It is unfair to both of you to make promises that you cannot or will not fulfill, simply in order to maintain the relationship. You should agree not to meet with others only when you are both agreeing it is something that both of you want from the relationship.
If both of you can remind each other how being away may cause you to value one another more (research shows you can become more likely to idealize a partner when in a long-distance relationship), it can help you to be more positive about what being away can bring. Research has even shown that long-distance couples generally experience similar to or greater fulfillment in their relationships compared with couples that are physically closer together, as well as higher levels of commitment to their relationships and fewer feelings of being trapped. Studies show that couples tend to feel less stress and be more satisfied when they know when the non-proximal part of the relationship is going to be over, and when the length of time between the two is one year or less.
Distance often makes an LDR feel less “personal” for us, but maintaining frequent, open lines of communication, and cultivating confidence and positive emotions, can be possible to make LDR work, even over a long-term period. Long-distance relationships are particularly challenging because you must almost solely rely on communication to maintain a strong bond, which can take a lot more work than in an average relationship, says Randy Schroder, PhD, author of “Simple Habits for Marital Happiness“. Distance will never weaken your connection, and neither will it weaken your relationships power.
