While virtually all disagreements in relationships stem from a miscommunication (or a complete lack of communication), some differences can become a lasting grudge, where neither you nor your partner feels heard or understood. You might be able to win the argument, but a relationship may suffer if your partner feels discounted, invalidated, or hurt.
When you or your partner approach a conflict by avoidance entirely, the relationship can suffer. If you are finding your relationship is suffering because you or your partner is avoiding conflict, couples counseling may be helpful. When you are able to face up to the conflict rather than avoiding it, the bond between you and your partner can grow stronger.
In fact, avoiding conflict causes a lot of problems in your relationship, and it weakens your couples connection. Conflicting goals, motivations, and needs can create stress in any relationship, especially romantic ones. Fearing to confront conflicts and being vulnerable in a relationship may actually intensify feelings of loneliness. Early on in the relationship, you may feel like if you get into a fight, the relationship is going to be over.
The simple fact that you are fighting with your partner is not an indication that something is really wrong with your relationship. If you cannot voice your feelings without fear of your partners retaliation, or they become too angry and defensive, you might be in an abusive relationship. Surface level conversations may start to seem pointless, and you might avoid communicating with your partner altogether. In a healthy relationship, you and your partner are free to openly talk about things that are troubling you, as well as things that are going right in the relationship.
It is important not to just talk about what is going wrong in a relationship, but to also talk about the good things, so that neither person feels they are doing it all wrong. Those couples that have successfully managed to overcome the repeated problems in the relationship, they have learned how to articulate an acceptance of the partners personalities, can speak to, and value, the deeper meanings behind the others positions on issues. How you approach the problem with your partner may define whether or not your relationship is healthy, so here are a few tips to remember to navigate the next dispute in a healthier manner. There might be several differences you have with your partner, but prioritizing issues and focusing on one at a time can help to come to resolution.
Conflict is all about compromising over issues and finding strategies for conflict resolution that satisfy both sides needs. Conflict can be even good when both partners have good communication skills and view it as an opportunity to grow, learn, and strengthen the relationship. By approaching conflict in a constructive way, you will get to know your partner better and reach a resolution that works for both of you. No relationship is without conflict, but there are ways to diffuse differences before they turn toxic, and strategies to keep the same struggles from coming up over and over.
You can engage in conflict with your partner in a constructive way, according to a 2012 paper published by The Society for Personality and Social Psychology, and doing so may actually make you closer. Studies show that, for couples with relatively minor problems, accusing and dismissing a partner in the middle of conflict discussions is associated with lower relationship satisfaction over time, and it often makes problems worse. All relationships experience some degree of conflict at some point, however, conflicts may be fairly frequent and intense in some relationships. Because of the toll ongoing conflict can take on an individual, sometimes it is appropriate to take a little distance in the relationship or to break off contact altogether.
The risk of failing to address conflicts when they arise may end up jeopardizing a relationship as issues build up and become more substantial and harder to handle. Splitting your attention among several conflicts will leave you overwhelmed and likely bring out more negative feelings, which can complicate resolution. Big or small, differences in beliefs are going to happen in every relationship, and they can cause conflicts.
